AHHHHH! I have finally made it out of that Colombian Drug cartel's personal torture room. Hi Everyone! I'm the Idea Baker, aka Ryan, and it has been a friggin' long time since I've wrote on this blog. I've been swamped with work, what with a new show that I'm in, school, and a special new announcement which has made me think it's time to start writing on here again.
No new ideas today, just a few cool updates. I'm in a show in the middle of October, and for those of you who know what I'm talking about so I don't give away too much information, come see it! For those of you who subscribe and want to see it, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=158786990814666&ref=ts
The other huge news is the news that has inspired me to start brainstorming out loud on the internet again. I am an official member of Sharkwing Theatre!! For those of you unfamiliar, Sharkwing is Athens, GA's premier sketch comedy troupe. We do live shows, video sketches, and much much more. This recent appointment requires me to write funny stuff non-stop, so what better place to brainstorm and get out my stupider ideas than right here, at the Bakery!!
By the Way, Sharkwing has its 1st show of the season coming up on October 14th at the Globe in Athens. It's a collaboration with Improv Athens, UGA's improv troupe- and the theme of the night is Power Rangers! If you loved the show as a kid, and want to make fun of it with Sharkwing, come see it! It should be an exciting night!
And for more publicity for my comrades, check out our website below to see some of the things we do:
www.sharkwingtheatre.com
My show is sucking my life away time-wise, so I may not get to blog as regularly as I hope, but I still promise to provide half-baked musings as much as possible!!
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The Pursuit of Realitee (See, I can misspell words for effect, too, Will Smith)
My kids drove me absolutely insane today. Great way to start a blog, huh? I sound like a disgruntled school teacher. As a result of going bonkers from my campers, I'm taking a break from the kids theme today. It's funny, because the reason I'm working at this camp isn't to make new lasting friendships or contacts for my future as a babysitter, but the same reason people work every single day. Cold. Hard. Cash.
Why do we, meaning the world, obsess over money? Simple. We need money to get things that will lead to fulfilling our goal of the American Dream. Ahhh yes, the great philosophy that if you have just a few dimes in your pocket, some spunk in your heart, and a background of immigrant descent, you can come from absolutely NOTHING and become the next Donald Trump, though hopefully without the same hair.
American people- how do I put this lightly? WAKE UP!!! The American Dream died out years ago. It's pessimistic, but it's pretty much true. Sure, years ago when our great great grandparents came to Ellis Island there were plenty of chances to create something from nothing. But fast forward to present day, and look around. We have exploited and sucked the teat of the American Dream dry. That cow is empty, folks. We've set up all these leaps and bounds in the form of laws and regulations and social stigmas that make it nearly impossible for the poor shooting for that Dream to reach the wealthy who have achieved, or more realistically, have inherited the Dream. And yet we keep on truckin', motivated by those lucky few that go all Nigerian sprinter on the leaps and bounds and make it up the social ladder.
One of the big outlets that perpetuate the Old World American Dream is the movies, America's true pastime. (Baseball, you're great, but it's too damn hot to watch you right now. Oh, and you can't call it the World Series when the WHOLE WORLD ISN'T PLAYING. Please note and get it right. Thank You.) Everyone remembers The Pursuit of Happyness, also known by its original title, An English Professor has a Heart Attack. For those of you don't remember the film, Will Smith and his son play a very loosely based version of a real guy and his son who were homeless for a little bit, but the guy worked real hard and then became the CEO of his own huge company. And then, in my dream version of the movie, Will and his son break out into a huge duet of "Just the Two of Us" like they did when I was a kid in the mid-90s and the song played non-stop at American Adventures, the knock-off Six Flags next to White Water. Good times.
Anyway, that movie and its idea that if you struggle really hard, anyone can become rich and powerful and achieve that American Dream brings me to today's Idea of the Day. I want to see a movie that is the complete opposite of Pursuit of Happyness. What do I mean? Let's make a movie where the protagonist does everything he can, i mean works SO hard, to become a bum. He can start off as a CEO of something, though I prefer him to be a regular guy with a kid. And he just wakes up and turns to his son and says, "Timmy, I promise you. We are gonna be soooo homeless." And by the end of the movie they have learned to be illiterate and THAT'S WHY THE MOVIE TITLE IS SPELLED WRONG! TAKE THAT FRESH PRINCE! Oh, and while you're busy taking that, tell Jazzy Jeff he needs to make a comeback. And that is the Idea of the Day.
Challenge Time! Okay, loyal fans, all...3 of you...ahem. Time for another Movie Title! What would this epic Oscar-nominated new film described above be called? Comment below,and tell your friends about this blog! The word needs to be spread!!
Why do we, meaning the world, obsess over money? Simple. We need money to get things that will lead to fulfilling our goal of the American Dream. Ahhh yes, the great philosophy that if you have just a few dimes in your pocket, some spunk in your heart, and a background of immigrant descent, you can come from absolutely NOTHING and become the next Donald Trump, though hopefully without the same hair.
American people- how do I put this lightly? WAKE UP!!! The American Dream died out years ago. It's pessimistic, but it's pretty much true. Sure, years ago when our great great grandparents came to Ellis Island there were plenty of chances to create something from nothing. But fast forward to present day, and look around. We have exploited and sucked the teat of the American Dream dry. That cow is empty, folks. We've set up all these leaps and bounds in the form of laws and regulations and social stigmas that make it nearly impossible for the poor shooting for that Dream to reach the wealthy who have achieved, or more realistically, have inherited the Dream. And yet we keep on truckin', motivated by those lucky few that go all Nigerian sprinter on the leaps and bounds and make it up the social ladder.
One of the big outlets that perpetuate the Old World American Dream is the movies, America's true pastime. (Baseball, you're great, but it's too damn hot to watch you right now. Oh, and you can't call it the World Series when the WHOLE WORLD ISN'T PLAYING. Please note and get it right. Thank You.) Everyone remembers The Pursuit of Happyness, also known by its original title, An English Professor has a Heart Attack. For those of you don't remember the film, Will Smith and his son play a very loosely based version of a real guy and his son who were homeless for a little bit, but the guy worked real hard and then became the CEO of his own huge company. And then, in my dream version of the movie, Will and his son break out into a huge duet of "Just the Two of Us" like they did when I was a kid in the mid-90s and the song played non-stop at American Adventures, the knock-off Six Flags next to White Water. Good times.
Anyway, that movie and its idea that if you struggle really hard, anyone can become rich and powerful and achieve that American Dream brings me to today's Idea of the Day. I want to see a movie that is the complete opposite of Pursuit of Happyness. What do I mean? Let's make a movie where the protagonist does everything he can, i mean works SO hard, to become a bum. He can start off as a CEO of something, though I prefer him to be a regular guy with a kid. And he just wakes up and turns to his son and says, "Timmy, I promise you. We are gonna be soooo homeless." And by the end of the movie they have learned to be illiterate and THAT'S WHY THE MOVIE TITLE IS SPELLED WRONG! TAKE THAT FRESH PRINCE! Oh, and while you're busy taking that, tell Jazzy Jeff he needs to make a comeback. And that is the Idea of the Day.
Challenge Time! Okay, loyal fans, all...3 of you...ahem. Time for another Movie Title! What would this epic Oscar-nominated new film described above be called? Comment below,and tell your friends about this blog! The word needs to be spread!!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Beware of Flicka!!
Today I want to start off by talking about kids. A lot of the upcoming posts are going to feature my thoughts about children and their behaviors, mainly because kids are affecting my life the most right now. I am currently working as a counselor at a children's summer camp, taking care of eight wonderful but rambunctious 5-year olds. It's a lot of fun and a lot of work, but what really strikes me is the way the 5-year old mind works. It's been a long time since I was 5 and god knows how i thought back then, so I see it as a case study into the young boy's psyche.
My kids are incredibly curious. And every day is like opposite day taking care of them, especially with things that can hurt them. For some reason, when kids are told that something is dangerous, they are instantly attracted to that thing and must touch it BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!! For example, we have geese that patrol the grounds, picking up scraps the lunch hour has left behind. These geese are homicidal, and I have heard a story of an agitated goose taking a chunk out of a counselor's leg. No joke. So it's obvious that we tell the kids to stay away from the geese, as well as the miniature pony the kids get to ride, spiders, mosquitoes, and various other outdoor pests. And yet, the kids have to, nay, MUST approach said creatures and poke and/or scream at them. Mmmmm, what a delicious recipe for disaster.
When I was a kid, I loved animals. But I was scared to death of certain animals, and ironically they were the ones that I shouldn't have been afraid of. Like dogs. Sure, I grew up hearing stories of dalmatians and rottweilers tearing their owners apart, and that played a huge part of it. But it wasn't until I was a little older and saw Kujo on TV that the fear was imprinted for a long time. Mind you, I've had a dog now for almost 9 years and I love pets completely. But Stephen King's story about a rabies-crazed St. Bernard, the patron dog saint of rescues and little barrels of liquor, that goes apeshit on a family trapped in their car just freaked. me. out.
Which brings me to the Idea of the Day! Remember the miniature pony that lives at our camp? Let's make a Kujo movie about this pony that just goes Bloodsport all over this town. That's right, I'm expanding the location. If zombies can ravage a village, a tiny horse that loves the taste of human flesh can too, dammit. And the horse will be so cute, no one will expect that Black Beauty over here is capable of being an extra in a George A. Romero flick. No one that is, except the unusually handsome lead male who leads a group of frat guys and cheerleaders and ONE nerd with a heart of gold (guess who survives? Go on, guess.) into the center of town to derail the ponyzombie express.
Why make this movie, you may ask? Because I want to scare my campers into behaving around horses. Simple as that. I mean, seriously. If the horse guy says, don't run up to the horse, he could trample you, do you run up to the horse? I don't think so. And I don't blame the ignorance on their age. There is a cutoff point for getting away with not listening, and it is way before the age of 5. In conclusion, if Kujo can cause me to be wary around big, unleashed dogs for years, I'm pretty sure Flicka the Demon Horse (working title) can do the same for these kids. And that is the Idea of the Day.
P.S.: Challenge time for my readers! Help come up with a name for the greatest zombie pony movie of all time. That's the one mentioned above, if you skipped to the P.S. so you could feel special. Flicka the Demon Horse is nice, but it doesn't have the right ring to it. I pass the gauntlet onto you!
My kids are incredibly curious. And every day is like opposite day taking care of them, especially with things that can hurt them. For some reason, when kids are told that something is dangerous, they are instantly attracted to that thing and must touch it BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!! For example, we have geese that patrol the grounds, picking up scraps the lunch hour has left behind. These geese are homicidal, and I have heard a story of an agitated goose taking a chunk out of a counselor's leg. No joke. So it's obvious that we tell the kids to stay away from the geese, as well as the miniature pony the kids get to ride, spiders, mosquitoes, and various other outdoor pests. And yet, the kids have to, nay, MUST approach said creatures and poke and/or scream at them. Mmmmm, what a delicious recipe for disaster.
When I was a kid, I loved animals. But I was scared to death of certain animals, and ironically they were the ones that I shouldn't have been afraid of. Like dogs. Sure, I grew up hearing stories of dalmatians and rottweilers tearing their owners apart, and that played a huge part of it. But it wasn't until I was a little older and saw Kujo on TV that the fear was imprinted for a long time. Mind you, I've had a dog now for almost 9 years and I love pets completely. But Stephen King's story about a rabies-crazed St. Bernard, the patron dog saint of rescues and little barrels of liquor, that goes apeshit on a family trapped in their car just freaked. me. out.
Which brings me to the Idea of the Day! Remember the miniature pony that lives at our camp? Let's make a Kujo movie about this pony that just goes Bloodsport all over this town. That's right, I'm expanding the location. If zombies can ravage a village, a tiny horse that loves the taste of human flesh can too, dammit. And the horse will be so cute, no one will expect that Black Beauty over here is capable of being an extra in a George A. Romero flick. No one that is, except the unusually handsome lead male who leads a group of frat guys and cheerleaders and ONE nerd with a heart of gold (guess who survives? Go on, guess.) into the center of town to derail the ponyzombie express.
Why make this movie, you may ask? Because I want to scare my campers into behaving around horses. Simple as that. I mean, seriously. If the horse guy says, don't run up to the horse, he could trample you, do you run up to the horse? I don't think so. And I don't blame the ignorance on their age. There is a cutoff point for getting away with not listening, and it is way before the age of 5. In conclusion, if Kujo can cause me to be wary around big, unleashed dogs for years, I'm pretty sure Flicka the Demon Horse (working title) can do the same for these kids. And that is the Idea of the Day.
P.S.: Challenge time for my readers! Help come up with a name for the greatest zombie pony movie of all time. That's the one mentioned above, if you skipped to the P.S. so you could feel special. Flicka the Demon Horse is nice, but it doesn't have the right ring to it. I pass the gauntlet onto you!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Well, Hi there!
Welcome aboard the SS Idea Bakery! Have a look around. I hope you like what I've done with the place. Not a lot to work with, mind you, but i manage.
So, you may be wondering "What is this place?" and didn't bother to read the little description in red below the title line. Well, I'll tell you. My mind works at a million miles a minute, and is always spitting out ideas. They are usually chocked full of mindless trivia from all spectrums, mostly movies and music. However, Most of them are corny, half baked, and downright insane. As a matter of fact, I've gotten a lot of blank stares and shaking heads from quite a few of these ideas. But, I still have a yearning to share them. Hence the new online outlet! Every post will have the idea of the day, and i encourage followers of this blog to comment and add on to said ideas. Warning: A lot of this will attempt to be funny, sometimes achieve the funny as well. But, you can't have light without dark. I hope that this place will also be a venue to share many of my deeper thoughts, as well as my thoughts on what's going on in the big wide world, with whoever wants to read it.
So, now you know what you're looking at. And, since it's the first blog, I will not fail to disappoint! Here is the Idea of the Day, sponsored by Ryan's cerebellum.
Waldo. The name itself, when uttered, sends chills into the hearts of men everywhere. Or at least in places where they have a library. Most people know of the famous book series wherein the reader must spot our protagonist, Waldo the striped, cane-carrying traveler, by scanning a page filled with random mobs of people in locations that are unusually overpopulated. Examples include the boardwalk, the future, and a Waldo family reunion.(Guess which one is the hardest?)
Here is my idea for the makers of Waldo. Let's get a series of Where's Waldo in scenes from the Bible. (And the Lord doth said to Waldo, "I found you!!!) I'm talking Waldo in the garden of Eden, Waldo in Noah's ark just chilling with the elephants in the back, hell, let's get Waldo at a crucification. Sure it's racy, but if they didn't want to offend people then they shouldn't have written it in the Bible in the first place.
And then THAT got me thinking. How about Where's Waldo in famous historical moments? The moon landing. Perfect. The first Thanksgiving. Plenty of people to crowd into that one. The Nuremberg Trials. I say YES!!! I get so upset when I meet little kids that are brainwashed to think that all of history was sunshine and ponies and positive scientific discoveries. Life is beautiful, but it's beautiful because it also sucks ass. The shit and the non-shit balance each other out, and to hide the truth from kids for as long as humanly possible pisses me off.
In conclusion, WHERE'S WALDO PEOPLE. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, THIS IS THE GREATEST IDEA ANYONE IN YOUR COMPANY HAS EVER HAD. USE IT. I ACCEPT CHECK, CASH, AMERICAN EXPRESS, OR MONEY ORDER. (Note to self: Find people who use money order. Judge them harshly.) This has been another idea, hot out of the oven of the Idea Bakery.
So, you may be wondering "What is this place?" and didn't bother to read the little description in red below the title line. Well, I'll tell you. My mind works at a million miles a minute, and is always spitting out ideas. They are usually chocked full of mindless trivia from all spectrums, mostly movies and music. However, Most of them are corny, half baked, and downright insane. As a matter of fact, I've gotten a lot of blank stares and shaking heads from quite a few of these ideas. But, I still have a yearning to share them. Hence the new online outlet! Every post will have the idea of the day, and i encourage followers of this blog to comment and add on to said ideas. Warning: A lot of this will attempt to be funny, sometimes achieve the funny as well. But, you can't have light without dark. I hope that this place will also be a venue to share many of my deeper thoughts, as well as my thoughts on what's going on in the big wide world, with whoever wants to read it.
So, now you know what you're looking at. And, since it's the first blog, I will not fail to disappoint! Here is the Idea of the Day, sponsored by Ryan's cerebellum.
Waldo. The name itself, when uttered, sends chills into the hearts of men everywhere. Or at least in places where they have a library. Most people know of the famous book series wherein the reader must spot our protagonist, Waldo the striped, cane-carrying traveler, by scanning a page filled with random mobs of people in locations that are unusually overpopulated. Examples include the boardwalk, the future, and a Waldo family reunion.(Guess which one is the hardest?)
Here is my idea for the makers of Waldo. Let's get a series of Where's Waldo in scenes from the Bible. (And the Lord doth said to Waldo, "I found you!!!) I'm talking Waldo in the garden of Eden, Waldo in Noah's ark just chilling with the elephants in the back, hell, let's get Waldo at a crucification. Sure it's racy, but if they didn't want to offend people then they shouldn't have written it in the Bible in the first place.
And then THAT got me thinking. How about Where's Waldo in famous historical moments? The moon landing. Perfect. The first Thanksgiving. Plenty of people to crowd into that one. The Nuremberg Trials. I say YES!!! I get so upset when I meet little kids that are brainwashed to think that all of history was sunshine and ponies and positive scientific discoveries. Life is beautiful, but it's beautiful because it also sucks ass. The shit and the non-shit balance each other out, and to hide the truth from kids for as long as humanly possible pisses me off.
In conclusion, WHERE'S WALDO PEOPLE. IF YOU ARE READING THIS, THIS IS THE GREATEST IDEA ANYONE IN YOUR COMPANY HAS EVER HAD. USE IT. I ACCEPT CHECK, CASH, AMERICAN EXPRESS, OR MONEY ORDER. (Note to self: Find people who use money order. Judge them harshly.) This has been another idea, hot out of the oven of the Idea Bakery.
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